Monday, December 13, 2010

Jumpers

Jumpers: could you have
the decency not to fuck
up my commute, please?

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

patterned tights

Your patterned tights make
your legs appear infected
by a skin disease

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Pay cut

A pay cut disguised
as a promotion is still
a pay cut, assholes.

Monday, September 27, 2010

i don't care

I don't care what you
do, as long as you never
speak to me again.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Thursday, September 16, 2010

How terrible

How sad that once I
stop hating you, noone will
still care about you.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I wish

I wish you had not
been born. I know it's cliche
but it is still true.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Monday, September 13, 2010

I hate you so much

I hate you so much
you deserve what comes to you
as long as it's bad

Friday, September 3, 2010

motorcycle man

your motorcycle
does not make you look sexy
please drive it away

Thursday, September 2, 2010

abject humiliation

you deserve abject
humiliation, shame, you
lying piece of shit.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

you know, right?

You are aware, right,
that dying your hair blonder
won't make you less fat?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

your perfume

your perfume is strong
so strong that I sneezed on you
on purpose just now

Monday, August 30, 2010

where you sleep

it is a good thing
i do not know where you sleep
you worthless liar

Thursday, August 26, 2010

don't call

If you ever think
of calling me, remember
that I hate your guts.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

New Yorkers aren't rude

New Yorkers aren't rude
it's just that your fat ass is
blocking the stairway

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Monday, August 23, 2010

the key to women

the key to women
sleeping with you more than once
is not being you

Friday, August 20, 2010

please wait

if you could just wait
to have sex until i leave
that would be great. thanks.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

what i think of you

you are a lying,
worthless, disgusting, sorry
excuse for a man

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Monday, August 16, 2010

the subway

the subway is not
soap box, stage, or money tree
so shut the hell up

Sunday, August 15, 2010

your baby

Your baby is gross
But like a car accident
I can't look away

don't ask

Don't fucking ask me
To do one more goddamn thing
Or I will lose it